Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Yeah yeah boo hoo. . .

Ever since Kristen Chase was featured on Jumping Monkeys for her site Cool Mom Picks, I've been reading her blog called Motherhood Uncensored. I have been at a loss as to whether or not to post a link on my side menu. I've been reading it for 2 months now and I still don't know how I feel about it.

Most recently I've been a little disturbed by this post. For anyone too lazy to click and read it I'll sum it up. Men cheat because their wives have babies and get stretched out and worn down, they are lazy sacks of shit who don't help parent except to donate sperm, they lose interest in their wives and go for younger models, and all a woman can hope for is an empathetic spouse that sees how hard being a mom is.

Why is this all women can hope for? It's the 21st Century. Fatherhood is supposed to be jumping to a new level. Stay-at-home dads are becoming more common place, places like Dad Labs are all over the internet, books spout off about how parenting is a 50/50 deal. . . why are you settling for less?

Make him change some diapers, make him stay up with the crying baby while you sleep, he helped make that baby it's his job to help out.

As for the cheating and losing interest, around our house it's not that way at all. At the risk of sharing too much with family and friends who come here to read about Skippy Jr., my interest in my wife has flourished since the birth of our son. . . her interest in me has all but disappeared.

So maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this new trend toward being an attentive father makes her see me as less of a man. Maybe the changing and the bathing and the late night trips to the crib while she sleeps has done the same thing Kristen complains about. It won't stop me from wanting to be a good father. Hopefully, if that is the case, she'll decide that my help is a turn on and things will be different.


caramama said...

Hey! I found you through your comment on Kristen's site. I had a slightly different take on her post than you did, but then I have an extremely supportive husband who's in this parenting thing with me 50/50 so I read what she writes with a certain perspective.

I just wanted to stop by and tell you two things:
1. You rock! I am with you in that this generation of men should be/are different (I love the "whole new level" thing you said). Thank you for being a man who knows this and does this without having to be training/encouraged (or whatever the kids are calling it these days).
2. Trust me when I say that 5 months is still really soon for a woman to get back her interest in romance. It may come across as odd that a stranger is comment on this, but as a woman who has been through pregnancy, birth and babyhood (and not that far from it), I just wanted to say that it takes women longer to get back their focus on the husband/wife relationship. But it will come back and you shouldn't be discouraged!

I'm enjoying your blog! Thanks for writing the father's perspective for us in the parenting blogging world!

Amy said...

You know I always have a "me too" comment to make, and today is no exception. No romance in my house. My midwife blames breastfeeding...messes with the hormones.

Motherhood Uncensored said...

We're all not as fortunate to have a husband like you, an attentive, empathic man who gets it. Kudos to you and probably your mom.

You're right that we need to require more out of our husbands. A bit more maturity (to say the least) is in order on their parts.
We all react to parenthood and the hormones and experiences that come with it.

I never lost interest in my husband. Unfortunately, he did. And he just didn't get it.

It's a bit more painful than I sometimes write about. I try to channel that into yet another reason to hate my MIL.

Seriously though, thanks for sharing your thoughts and your perspective. This dialogue is extremely valuable.

Anonymous said...

I believe having a child can put a strain on a marriage. I always say it either makes you or breaks you. Though for others it makes the love that much stronger when you have kids. I look at my life and thank god everyday for bringing Mike into my life because if it weren't for him I wouldn't have these 2 handsome boys. I think you have to make time for one another. Yeah you have children but you also have a marriage to up keep too. Even if it is just cuddling at night watching your favorite show, or just talking adult talk for a few minutes. It doesn't always have to be about sex. Thankfully the romance has been wonderful at our house. Yeah my body isn't the way I would like it to be, but my husband knows why my body got this way and I think it makes him love me and turns him on that much more.

I think communication and trust is the key in any marriage and I always tell Mike if he is not happy with me or finds his eyes wondering else where to please be honest with me. He assures me that will never happen and I believe him.


~Joe said...

My husbands the same his want never wavered its me thats changed,I have the mirena and it kinda killed any desire.We have a joke in our house that thats how it works it stops you from having babies cause it stops you from wanting sex lol.