Thursday, August 28, 2008

Or not. . .

So yesterday I posted some heavier stuff about how I was feeling about life now and the person I've become. Then I thought "no, people don't want that, they want funny stories and pictures of a baby." Then I thought "wait a second, I started this blog to give the perspective of being a dad. Not as a place for stories about a baby." So I'm following up yesterday's post with some more thoughts on the subject. . .

It's the transition from husband to father that is tripping me up. I see that now.
A former coworker of mine who was married over 40 years said it best. Loving your child unconditionally is easy. . . you have no choice, it is ingrained into your relationship by it's very nature. You will always love your child. Loving your spouse unconditionally is hard. . . you chose to love them, you weren't born into it. If you don't work at it you will lose them.

Too many people become parents, they forget about being married and it isn't until a few years later then realize they aren't in love anymore.

Those of you looking for some big revelation now are going to be disappointed. No I'm not saying I'm leaving my wife, or cheating on her (this would be a shitty place to reveal that). I'm saying I am seeing the beginnings of that happen not just to my wife and I, but to other people I know.

Parents concentrate so much on their kids that they neglect the relationship with each other. Then they divorce (only 63% of children grow-up with married parents). What hurts a kid more, focusing a little less affection on them so you can concentrate on you spouse or having them survive with mommy and daddy in separate places?

And for those of you who didn't come here for more whining here's a picture from our first trip to the playground.


caramama said...

I totally agree. It's so important to keep working on your relationship and not ignore each other to focus on the baby. Granted some weeks you both just have to focus on baby (and some months there at the beginning especially), but the overall connecting is so so so important.

We are not always the best at it, but we try to remember it and come back to each other. Afterall, we were trying to start a family, not just have kids. We want a family with each other, which means that our relationship is just as important as our relationship with our kids.

I hope you and the others you know are able to do the same. I hope people I know are able to do the same.

JamieMomma said...

You hit the nail on the head parenting you have to do (well some don't buy anyways)marriage you don't. Everyone goes through rough patches it is what you choose to do to get out of those patches that makes or breaks you. I will admit I lost *myself* when Miles came along Rob did not do to well his first year so it was me and me alone. Then I lost who I was more. I suffered, our marriage suffered but we found our way back and it was not easy. It didn't happen with Emily so that was a relief. It really just takes time and you hope you are given that time and make sure you give that time too. *Hugs* Rob goes on 7-3 soon we should plan a play time and grab some others too

Anonymous said...

You are absolutely right. Most people believe that having a child brings you closer together, but that is not always the case. The day to day life with a child or children can put a real strain on a marriage. I think it is so important to take time out of the day for one another. Whether it be just for just a minute. It is important to reconnect every now and again. My husband and I are planning a trip next year , just the 2 of us. We joke that we need to get to know each other again. Plus it has been 3 years since we had a weekend to ourselves.


Anonymous said...

Oh and wanted to add that Parker looks so cute in that picture.