Two, two, two posts in one. . .

Does anyone else's baby really like being upside down? Little monkey.

(Warning: Some corse language to follow)

Originally that was all I was going to post tonight and then I made a mistake and watched the Baby Borrowers. I almost cried several times. This show was advertised as being funny, instead it's one of the saddest things I've ever seen.

For those unfamiliar with the show, three sets of teen couples decide to see what it's like to be parents. They do this by "borrowing" other people's babies.

What the fuck kind of parent agrees to give their 8-month-old to a teenage couple for 3 days!?!

The parents watch on CC camera from a house next door and can intervene if things get really bad. One mom got involved because the teen mom watching her kid wasn't feeding the baby because he was spitting out the food (he must not be hungry why else would a baby spit out food) so he had gone most of the day with no food. Another father came over because they did nothing but hold the baby when all she wanted to do was crawl around (they had no idea she could crawl), the last mom came over when the couple was trying to get the kid to sleep with no bath, no food, a dirty diaper, dirty clothes, and finally threatened to put her in bed screaming and ignore her for the night.

And most of these fucktard teens were offended because the parents were telling them how to take care of their babies!

The tears welling up in my eyes, I watched as the parents sat by watching their kids being mistreated. I'd say "those poor parents" but these dumbass parents chose to give up their babies for 3 days! I will say "those poor babies" because they're at the height of teething and separation anxiety and their shitty parents hand them over to teenagers who think raising a kid would be neat. The kids look so miserable.

I will not be watching another episode.

Lil' geek. . .

I'm a mac user. I love mac, and this program is one more reason to love it. it's called Baby Banger (yes, I'm aware that is an unfortunate name).

It's a little application that take over the computer with a plain white screen and as you hit keys it makes sounds and pus up colored shapes on the screen, so when the baby is grabbing for the computer to be like mommy or daddy you can let him have a few minutes to play without hurting anything on the computer.

The key combination to quit the application almost takes 3 adult hands to press all the keys.

Our little guy loves it. He can finally get his hands on the keyboard so he doesn't feel left out when we use the computer around him. It also teaches him a little cause and effect.

There are a couple windows applications that do this too. CrashBangWallop!3 is one. Mini123 is another. I know nothing about them so use at your own risk.

Funny or creepy?. . .

OK I say funny, my wife says creepy. . . you decide.

Better than Dr. Scholls. . .

I have found a new podcast. I've mentioned before I like podcasts. I was listening to Jumping Monkeys this week and their guest was a doctor. . . Dr. Mike.

You know all those questions you forget to ask your baby's doctor about at your regular check-ups? All those things you feel silly calling and asking about? All those emails you get trying to scare the crap out of you because you're unknowingly slowly killing your child? There's a good chance Dr. Mike covered it on his PediaCast.

At times Dr. Mike's reading of recent medical articles can be a little dry, and he can go on about some silly things, but all-in-all he reminds me of our doctor. He doesn't go in for hyped up medical things. He's is heavily pro-vaccination, and pro-not-being-stupid.

I highly recommend checking out his appearance on Jumping Monkeys and just as much his podcast, PediaCast.

I swore I'd never do one of these. . .

Thank you CaraMama. . .

Four jobs I have held:
-Mannequin Repairman
-Face-painter at an amusement park
-Grocery store cashier
-President of the United States. . . no wait, I worked at a Dairy Queen

Four movies I could watch over and over:
-An Affair to Remember (and I'd cry every time)
-Batman Begins
-Oceans 11
-The Empire Strikes Back

Four places I have lived:
-St. Louis. MO
-St. Louis. MO
-St. Louis. MO
-St. Louis. MO (that's right I have never moved from this area)

Four TV shows I like:
-House
-Burn Notice
-Good Eats
-Ninja Warrior

Four favorite foods:
-Watermelon
-Sushi
-Mexican food
-Is Starburst a food?

Four places I would rather be:
-Under Selma Hayek (rarr)
-In a pool (preferably skinny-dipping)
-On a private island
-Somewhere sans mosquitos

Four people I’m tagging: How about. . .

1. Joe
2. Amy (no, the other one, you do these all the time)
3. Sarah (cause she's been MIA)
4. Janice (cause she's REALLY been MIA)

Bittah. . .

Click here, and watch the 5 minute video. This is so wrong. I think my older sister would have done this if she could have.

Mr. Junior goes to school. . .

A few weeks before school let out I took one of my usual Friday afternoons off and took Skippy Jr. to meet my wife's students. They had been asking about him for months and she thought it would be a nice near-end-of-school treat for them.

She told them late in the day that if they were well behaved for the afternoon, keeping the screaming and throwing things to a minimum, that she had a surprise for them. It took them a few minutes, but one of them figured it out, some thought it was ice cream and were a little disappointed. By the time I arrived with the stroller outside her classroom they were pretty wound up and knew what was coming.

After they got packed up and ready for gym class we came in and my wife walked around to the tables and showed him to all the kids ("no, you can't touch him"). I sat at the teacher's desk smiling and watching her parade him around. Some of the girls were looking at me and whispering to each other. . . I'm assuming they were saying "our teacher's husband is cute tee hee."

Then the press conference began. Most of the kids were yelling comments and questions to my wife. One little girl raised her had and was met with her teacher's passive aggressive, "thank you Natalie for raising your hand to talk, do you have a question." Instantly multiple hands shot up into the air, and in turn each of the students asked her a question or made a comment. "How old is he," "what color are his eyes," "I think Skippy Jr. has the same birthday as I do." One kid said "yes, my question is for for Skippy Jr.". . senator, what is your stance on global warming. Or maybe it was "do you like your mommy?"

So after a few minutes it was time for them to go to gym. By then he was frightened, as was I. But it was a fun, and after the kids left all the teachers got to fawn over him, which he enjoyed.

Just a story I forgot to tell a few weeks ago.

Happy Father's Day Daddy

Hi guys it's me Skippy Jr.. I snuck onto the computer and I took over Daddy's blog today.

Happy Father's Day Daddy!

Love,

Skippy Jr.

We had an incident. . .

I was trimming Parker's nails last night, and though he didn't yelp at any point, I apparently clipped his thumb. I say apparently because it wasn't until after I finished the second hand and sat with him for a little bit that it bled at all.

And then he really bled.

The bled all over himself, the glider, his clothes. . . . threw a fit in his bath. . . the bled on his new clean clothes, his mother, his bed and Pete, the panda he sleeps with (see above).

It wasn't gushing, we knew he didn't need stitches, we weren't freaking out that much. It was just a mess and it wouldn't stop. We finally put some gauze over it and wrapped with with a band-aid. Which while sleeping he wiggled out of in under an hour.

My mom suggested the gauze and possibly flour (like when you clip a pets nails). We tried the shaving toilet paper trick, didn't work. Anyone know a good way to stop that kind of bleeding?

Anyone else. . .

Am I the only one who feels like he never gets to see his kid? I get a couple hours a day, that's it. And it's the end of the day when he's crabbiest.

Sucks.

Get me a walker. . .

This isn't about Skippy Jr. It's about me. My good friend Eric is in town and last night we hung out. We decided to go to a park we used to go to in our younger years, climb on some bluffs to watch look over the river. . .

We climbed down the old trail to some lower cliffs and decided not to climb all the way down to the river and train tracks (his smart decision). I decided I would climb up the moderately hard way while Eric hiked up the trail (my bad decision). One short climb later to relive a little of my youth and today my knee is killing me.

When did I get old?

Eating Elephants. . .

Skippy Jr. has a new cousin. Yesterday, my little sister had a baby girl. . . Mae Elizabeth. She is 8lbs 5oz and 21 inches long. Both mom and baby are doing well.

It's great for us because Skippy Jr. will have a cousin closer to his age. In a year or so, I'm sure they'll be playing together at family functions. Running around driving us just as crazy as the 3 older cousins do now.

I held her yesterday and, seeing how tiny she is, I am amazed at how much they grow in much a short period of time. I can't even think about Skippy Jr. being that little any more. How did he grow that much!? It's cliche to say "it goes by so fast" or "they grow-up so fast." Everybody says it and we roll our eyes about it. Truth is it goes by just as fast as everything else. You just don't notice it going by when you're there. Outsiders who only see the kid every once in a while notice the changes, but when you see the gradual changes it's like nothing happens and then you look back and suddenly see how far he's come.

You eat the elephant one bite at a time, the next thing you know he elephant is gone. . . off to college I guess.

We can stay all day. . .

Today, I took the day off to watch the kid while my lovely wife started a class. Her instructor only kept them for an hour. . . so what to do on an slightly-overcast, mostly-cool day?

Go to the zoo!

Those of you who don't know St. Louis has the largest free zoo in the US. And it's not a crap zoo either (though there were a lot of areas being worked on) it's a good zoo.

I know what you're thinking, "what is a 7-month-old going to get out of a trip to the zoo?" The answer is "nothing." He did not see the elephants who were hiding back in the corner of their area. He did not see the giraffe because he was focusing on the grass. He did not even see the hippos that swam past his stroller in the gianormous tank or the penguin that swam close enough that he could have touched him. . . but we had a good time.

Teeth of doom!. . .

Our cranky crab is teething. . . hard. He moans like a wounded animal most of the day. He bites his toys and cries. He'll be sitting on your lap and suddenly arch his back and scream. I feel bad for the guy.

A couple years ago I had my wisdom teeth cut out. Before they were removed, they'd hurt for a few days every month or so. I'd bite down funny or they'd just hurt from growing.

But I knew what a tooth was.

All he knows is the place where he eats hurts.

So we've been giving him some baby Tylenol and whatever else we can think of to help him out. Yesterday we had our yearly Barbeque and that meant people in the house. We were really worried about his normal 6:30 "my mouth hurts" meltdown, but the people seemed to distract him. . . or the Tylenol had kicked in.

He's trying to be a happy baby, but it's tough.