Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Our son doesn't love us. . .

It's true. It's sad, but it's true.

You expect your baby to love you, but bonding is definitely a one-way street. A newborn can't love you, in fact a newborn doesn't know you exist. . . hell, he barely knows he exists. He's not capable of love. I can be the best daddy in the world. My wife can be the best mommy in the world. We can love him and shower him with affection. We can meet his every need perfectly, and still he doesn't love us. It's just a fact of life.

The good news is he doesn't hate us either. No matter how much he cries, he doesn't hate us.

It's like his little baby smiles. They're nice and all, but right now they aren't real. He's not capable of smiling on purpose yet. His brain isn't capable of it. Maybe it's gas, maybe just twitching, but it's not a happy smile.

Someday soon he'll start to realize that we exist, and he'll see we meet his needs and he'll start to trust us. . . not love us yet, but he'll trust us and prefer us to other people. Then his smiles will become real and we'll be the ones giving them to him. Right now most of his actions are just his brain telling him what to do. No emotions, no desires, nothing but auto-pilot.

For now we'll just have to have enough love for the both of us.

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