Thursday, July 26, 2007

Mama's Boy

I posted a comment to this post about a expectant woman liking that she is the only one who can feel the baby.

Everybody reading this knows I've been saying for weeks that my wife should "stop hoggin' the baby." I want to get to know him now too. But sadly he's in her belly not mine.

I worry because he's a boy. . . little boys tend to gravitate towards mom, and little girls toward dad. Thankfully, I think, some of what drives boys away form dad is that most dads want to raise a man. They want the boy to be big and strong and make them proud. . . though that's all OK (I suppose) I have no desire to do that. Be a good person? Sure. Make himself proud? Wonderful! But I don't care about him being all emotionless and tough like most men believe they should be.

Still he's a boy and, if things go like they probably will, he'll be a mama's boy. I know how my relationship with my parents is and I'm bonded more with my mom than my dad.

It's hard to explain, being a boy adds pressure to live up to your dad's expectations. I didn't get good grades, I wasn't good at sports, I hated the boy scouts. . . everything my dad wanted for me, and, though I hated it, I tried to stick with it for him which made me resent the things more and resent him. . .

I'm not like that now. I still don't like sports, but I work hard and get good work reviews (grown-up grades), and I did learn a lot from him, and to a lesser extent scouts, on building things and other "manly" stuff. My relationship with my father is getting better, but there's a lot to repair, and none of it is either of our fault. . . we did what we were suppose to do. It came because of gender relations.

I got way off track there. . . the point is, our little boy is going to come out and love mommy, and see daddy as someone to look up to, someone to emulate. I'll try my hardest to let that person be the same type of person that he can love, but it'll never be like the bond he'll have with my wife.

Maybe I'm just jealous, but it makes me sad that I'll never be that close to the little guy.

No more serious stuff, next post will be funny. I have a story involving pee that I need to tell.


Amy said...

I had a hard time reading this without tearing up. Pregnancy hormones? Maybe. But it makes me so sad nonetheless. I passed this on to my husband. The thought of him feeling this way just breaks me heart.

Anonymous said...

I have to say yes there is a special bond between a mother and son, but there is an even more special bond between a father and son. There are times when Carter just wants daddy time and I am o.k with that. I think it is so important for a son to bond with their father. I am sure you will see that there are things that your son will only want daddy to do and mommy will get pushed to the side. Like for instance when my son Carter would need help with something and I would walk towards him he says no daddy. Or if there is a major boo boo that only daddy can kiss and make better. So you will see that you are going to be just as important as mommy just in different ways.

Rodney said...

You will be a wonderful father and your son will be your hero and you will be his.